Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You've changed since you got that strap on
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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