I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
