I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
