names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
