How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
