a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
