And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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