First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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