these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
