First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
