I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Even my vagina gasped.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
