So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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