But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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