Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
