My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
