Plan B is the new Plan A
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
