god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
