I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
