while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
