Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
