I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
