dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
