First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
