Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
