We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
