Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
