last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
