She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
