I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
