Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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