yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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