i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
