i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
