just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
