no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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