We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
