im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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