just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
