My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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