i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
