but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
is that a dick in a sweater?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
