hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
