yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
