But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
