There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
