dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
