Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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