That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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