Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
