Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
